Oliver J R Cooper
Life is made up of what are often described as opposites and
and receiving is part of this dynamic. When one of these is done and
not the other, it will lead to an imbalance being created.
One may receive from another and be unable to give in that
situation. Or one may give in one situation and be unable to receive.
This is part of life and something that can't always be avoided. Due to
it not always being possible to return the favour or to receive from
the same person.
However, as a result of this, one will feel the need to give
someone else in their life or to someone they come into contact with.
And one may receive something from an unexpected source or from someone
who is close to them and seemingly without having to give anything in
This shows that a natural balance is being restored. It may
not be instantaneous and could take a while.
One Way Relationships
The challenges arise when the above is something that happens
regular basis in ones relationships. Here one is always giving to
others and rarely receives anything in return. There is also the other
side of this, where one constantly takes and never gives.
What these two types of people experience is going to be
This is not to say that in other areas of their life it is the same
One may always receive in their close and intimate
rarely give. And yet in their other relationships may have no problem
giving. People who rarely receive from their intimate and close
relationships could have no such problems from their other less
Intimate relationships are usually the ones that bring up the
biggest challenges. This is a result of one's needs being triggered the
most in these relationships.
The needs and wants that were not fulfilled during ones
years will resurface once more in ones intimate relationships. All that
has been repressed and denied for many years will add to the present
And this means that they can be incredibly powerful and have
extremely strong effect on ones behaviour. This of course can make it
difficult to have self control or behave consciously.
Consequences - Givers
So if one is continually ending up in relationships where they
constantly giving, there is going to be different consequences. On one
level there is the potential for: anger, frustration, resentment, rage
and a feeling of powerlessness. The amount of energy that one has is
going to be severely affected. Because in order to have energy, it is
important that one can receive from others or one will simply be
running on empty.
So feeling exhausted and even burnt out are common themes for
who don't receive. This can create feelings of being a victim and that
one's needs and wants are unimportant.
And at the bottom of all these consequences and the dramas and
that is created will be a feeling that one doesn't deserve to have
their needs and wants met by others. One hopes that if they can do
enough for others, they will somehow earn the right to have their needs
Consequences - Receivers
For the person who constantly seeks to receive from others and
without giving anything back in their relationships; there is
inevitably going to be a sense that there is not enough. And as a way
to overcome this perspective, one has to gain as much as they can.
Feelings of guilt may appear for this behaviour, but they will
generally be replaced with the feeling of one missing out if one ever
gives to another. One could even feel that they may be taken advantage
of if they give to another.
be a sense that one has nothing to give. And that if they do
give something, it won't be enough.
Although these two seem to be completely different to each
they are actually very similar. It is often the same kind of
experiences that have created them and one may choose to consistently
embody one of them or to switch between the two depending on the
Having a healthy sense of self worth and deserving means that
knows they deserve to receive and that they have something to give;
without feeling guilty or ashamed for having needs or doubting the
value of what they have to give.
If one only gives or only receives for example, it is
going to affect one's self esteem. And with that one will feel out of
The associations that one's ego mind has around their needs
and preferences are generally formed during ones younger years. And as
a result of being around for so long, they can be taken as the truth.
Appearing normal and not only how life is, but how one is.
they are not the truth or how life has to be or how one actually is.
Once something has become associated as what is familiar to the ego
mind, it is associated as what is safe.
This then becomes normal and what one unconsciously accepts
themselves. And should one change these associations, the ego mind will
create all kinds of reasons why it is not safe; as a result of the
changes having the potential to be interpreted as unfamiliar and
therefore as a threat ones survival.
The importance of understanding how the ego mind works cannot
emphasised enough. It will continue to perceive everything based on the
associations that have been interpreted as familiar.
At the time of their creation they may well have kept one
as time has passed they are simply creating unbalanced relationships.
Letting go of these associations is important and for some this will
not require much assistance.
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